30-Day Writing Challenge Day 5

So it’s been a while. I’m dealing with quite a bit in my personal life including trying out a new therapist. For those of you that have gone through therapy and had trouble finding The One, you can imagine what I’ve been going through. It’s been a struggle but I’m staying hopeful. I’m thinking about writing about my journey with therapy as a woman of color who has had to deal with anxiety, panic attacks, PTSD and depression. If you are going through this or any sort of mental health issues, you are not alone and you can get through it. Now, let’s move onto the prompt.

Prompt 005
Today, write about a habit, thinking pattern, or belief you’ve inherited from your parents or grandparents. Does that line of thinking limit or support you? How does it affect your life as a writer? If the latter is true, where would you be without it? Set your timer for ten minutes and write without stopping or judging what you unearth.

Something that I’ve inherited from my mom and my grandfather would definitely be my strong sense of pride and the need to be in control of things. I look at how my grandfather is and my mom was and it’s very clear to see how we can all be very self-righteous at times. The funniest part about that would probably be that we would all admit it in a way, to let other people know we aren’t perfect, and in so doing would make us seem even more perfect, because we can acknowledge our flaws. I’m naturally a very independent person and my independence can often times come across as pushy, inconsiderate or controlling. While this works great for myself and my personal goals, it has the ability to cause tension in various relationships. I’ve learned that a partnership of any kind must have some give and take; this is much easier said than done for me. To trust someone as much as I trust myself has always been difficult. I’ve always been the type to do everything in the group project because I’d rather bet on myself than potentially be let down. I feel like I’ve gotten pretty far in life because I am this way, but it can also be a hindrance. My goal is to balance my natural desire of control and to be right with a more open and accepting outlook. I want to detach the idea that not being in total control of things will mean things will turn out poorly. I think my grandfather and my mom were not able to do this and it’s something I most definitely will work on.